He wakes up every day and chooses winning. The guy mixes his protein powder with Red Bull. He has a picture of John McAfee above his bed. Ah yes, welcome, to the tale of the Bitcoin Maximalist.

Who is Bitcoin Maximalist?

The Bitcoin Maximalist hates his fiat money. Rightfully so, he believes in the vision of Satoshi Nakamoto for a decentralized future where the wealth is equally distributed (amongst the whales). He owns 0.00400 BTC and can already feel the rumbling of the engines as the Bitcoin rocket prepares to take off.

In a financial revolution happening behind the veils, it is only the Bitcoin maximalist who has the knowledge to fight. By hodling as much BTC as possible, this bro is fighting against the lizard bankers with his hard earned cash. To break free from the matrix, one must become the matrix. That is why he puts his faith upon the block and the chain. The holy grail, the future that is cryptographically correct.

And don’t even get him started about gold. Gold is the reason for all human folly. An economy based on gold is one that serves the higher ranks of the hierarchy. “Bitcoin is the better hedge against inflation bro” says the Bitcoin Maximalist. “all central banks are going down pretty soon as BTC is gonna reach $1 million bruh”.

Fiat Minimalism

The only problem is; he really does not specifically say if the central banks go down what will happen to the world. Mayhem and Chaos will ensue as people lose their jobs and homes. Civilization will face a possible collapse as governments fail to do anything other than assert dominance by military applications. The people’s assets will freeze in their bank accounts and only those who have trusted their wealth to the decentralized Chinese wallets will have access to their wealth. And they shall rule the world.

Open your heart to his calling, as he gives you a ticket onboard Noah’s Ark.

El Salvador is the Bitcoin Maximalist Mecca. It is where Bitcoin flows in the ATM machines and government backed wallets. A place where Nayab Bukele is leading his flock to redemption. Very soon, the world will succumb to the 45% dominance of Bitcoin as Bitcoin eats the rich. Only then, Satoshi Nakamoto will distribute his presumably 5 million holding of BTC to the poor people. Michael Saylor and Elon Musk will give all their Bitcoin to the people so that wealth remains decentralized. The future looks bright my friends.

Imagine, a future of bankrupt Sith lords, a future of equality and joy. Bitcoin does that.


The following story is not directly calling out on any specific individual. Even though it might sound like someone you know, it is only a light-hearted (hopefully) comedic story intended for entertainment purposes. Investors need to be careful about taking financial advice from others. We do not intend to make fun of any person for their investment decisions or use derogatory terms to describe them. This is all comedy.


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